I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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