Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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