i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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