hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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