I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize