Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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