"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
