My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
