Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
