why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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