Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize