I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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