dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
