Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
