I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
