Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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