It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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