I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
