And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He felt like a one man threesome
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
