i would punch a child for taco bell
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
