She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
