Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
