Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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