New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
