last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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