this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
