if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
one might say we're banned from that church
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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