Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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