I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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