Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is Oprah even human
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
