i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
