looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
