I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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