Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize