I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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