i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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