I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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