oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
