I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
