dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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