This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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