Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
