it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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