He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Text me some of your sweat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
