did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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