I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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