bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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