if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
