also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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