It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
