Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
