Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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