What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
