My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How external is "for external use only"?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
