Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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