haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
