Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
