just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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