I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
