Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
