I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
